A Letter to My Girl

My Dearest, Darlingest Daughter,

You and I haven't met yet, but my love for you has been growing in my heart for a long time.  I don't know yet the circumstances that are bringing us together.  I don't know what your young life has been filled with.  But I have been praying for you, loving for you, and anxiously looking forward to the day when you would join our family.  

I will give you lots of hugs and kisses.  I will sing to you.  I will tickle you.  I will read with you.  I will laugh with you.  I will be silly with you.  We will have lots of fun together, my little lady.  I will also be there to listen when you're upset or sad.  I will wipe away your tears and hold you when you cry.  But I will also tell you "no."  I will make you do your homework and practice the piano.  I will make sure you eat your veggies.  I will teach you how to say please, thank you, and I'm sorry.  Because I love you.  I am sure there will be times that I will make you want to pull your hair out and slam doors.  And I'm sure there will be times when you'll make me want to do the same.  But please do not ever doubt for one second how much I love you.  

Your Daddy is one of the best men that I know.  He will also give you lots of hugs and kisses.  He will treat you like the princess you are.  He will be one of your silliest and best friends.  He's not afraid to get down on the floor and play.  He will also teach you how a man should treat you.  He loves you so much already.  I wish you could see the way his eyes light up and how he smiles when we talk about you!  

Your brother, J, will follow you around, share everything that he has, and want to be your best friend.  As will Izzy, our dog.  They will shower you with the most unconditional love!  Please be kind to him.  And I will make sure he is kind to you, too.  My siblings are some of my best friends - I hope you and J will have the same kind of relationship.

There are so many people who love you already.  Family and friends.  People who have been praying for you.  People who cannot wait to meet you.  It may feel overwhelming, so much love!  But, just like me and your dad, they want what's best for you and want to love you.  And I promise to take introductions slowly.  

There are so many things I can't wait to teach you, do, and share with you!  I'll teach you how to dance like a maniac and sing at the top of your lungs.  Together, we'll fingerpaint and count stars.  And I'll share ice cream and life lessons with you.  Being a girl in this world is not easy (especially in a world where Photoshop and Pinterest rule).  I will do my very best to help you navigate what the world throws at you and to be true to the princess that is you!  I'll teach you how to do your makeup and take you shopping.  But I'll also teach you that neither a mirror or a scale dictate your worth or value. 

My love, I know that our road will not be full of sunshine and roses.  Life, in general, was not made to be sunshine and roses!  Since you will be joining our family a less than traditional way, we will have additional hurdles to jump over (court dates, social workers, bio parents).  But we will hold hands and jump together.  You are worth it.  I won't give up.  Your Daddy won't give up.  We will never stop loving you.

I love you.  More than you will ever know.  And I cannot wait until the day that we meet! 

Until then, you are in my prayers and in my heart, my sweet baby girl.

Love,

Your Mommy

Preparing to Be a Foster Mom

When I saw the positive sign on the pee stick almost two years ago, I went into preparation mode.  

I started planning and preparing.  I picked out a diaper bag, researched car seats and strollers, picked out bedding, read tons of baby and parenting books, and bought a glider and crib and dresser.  And all this before we found out that we were having a boy!

In the remaining months before his grand entrance, we bought J clothes, pajamas, socks, hats, Halloween costumes (yes, multiple), holiday outfits, bottles, diapers, wipes, blankets, burp clothes, etc.  J had no preferences so we got to inflict our tastes on him.  This kid was stocked.  We were prepared for all seasons, all sizes, everything.

We are now preparing our home for a foster child.  

We know we'll be getting a little girl between 0 and 5 years old.  And a brother, if she has one.

Do you know how many unknowns there are in this situation?!

I don't know her age, size, likes and dislikes, anything!

Will she need a crib?  Toddler bed?  Regular bed?

Diapers or undies?

What size clothes?

Will she need a carseat or a booster seat?

Does she like arts and crafts?  Music?  Books?  Disney Princesses?  Hello Kitty?

The control freak in me is going crazy.  Absolutely bonkers.

D and I have decided that when we get a little girl we'll take her shopping and let her pick out clothes, bedding, and a few toys that she likes so that she feels like this is her home.

And, if she has a brother, we'll let him do the same (or, is it just me or do boys care less?).

In the mean time, I'm sitting here twitching.  Wanting to do so much more than I am able too prepare for this little girl.  She already has a home in my heart - I want to get her home in my house ready, too!

Clothes I'm Crushing On

All summer long, I haven't really been "wow"-ed by any clothing items.

However, now that I'm losing weight and not allowing myself to shop for clothes (because what's the point right now?), all I'm seeing everywhere is cute clothes!

Here's what I'm crushing on:

Black skinny jeans.

Where's your fav places to go to get jeans?  Fav brands?

These adorable leggings from Pinned Pretty.

Seriously, adorable.

 

 

 Mint and/or coral skinny jeans.
Yes and yes.
Again, stores?  Brands?  Help a sister out.

This sweatshirt (which I may have already bought - but a size down).

A yummy floral skirt like one of these.  Like, several of them.

Lightweight tunic blouses.  In every color.  But ones that can be rolled up or worn long.

A yummy lace dress.

Loving this sweater from Downeast.

 Floral or "tribal" tops like these, perfect for layering with a cardi or blazer.  Or just wearing with those black skinny jeans I'm wanting.

Plus, all those pieces in my closet that I've been staring at but haven't been able to wear because of, well, my weight!

 

 Be patient, Landon.  Be patient.

Cute clothes will come soon!

Family of Three

I realized yesterday that we will not be a family of 3 for much longer.

We are going through the certification process to become a Foster to Adopt family.

Back in May I posted about how we were looking to adopt since we cannot have any more biological children, but still want a large family.

At the referral of a friend, we've applied to be a Foster to Adopt family through Children's Hope.

We had our first home visit today.

Our home inspection is on Monday.

Our livescan fingerprint appointment is also on Monday, but in the evening.

Our Wellness Checks will be sometime next week.

Our CPR/First Aid certification is August 24th. 

Our orientation is September 18th.

Our third, and final, home visit will be sometime after all of our paperwork has been received (probably the beginning of September).

We are looking at having a child placed with us in 4-6 weeks!!

We are looking for a little girl, 0-5 years old.  

If she has a younger brother, we would love to give him a home as well.  

So, our family of 3 will be growing very soon!

I have mixed feelings about it.

I love spending my days with J and will miss the constant one-on-one time with him - seriously, this kid is so much fun!

But, I am so excited to have someone(s) for him to play with!  And I'm excited to have another kid to play with, too.  J loves other kids, especially older kids.  He adores one of our friend's sons - follows him around everywhere and mimics everything he does.  He even snuggles with him on the couch if they're watching TV.  And I'm excited to share the love in our home with another child (or 2!).

I love being a mom.

I may not have been meant to be pregnant, but I was definitely meant to be a mom.

And, D was meant to be a dad.

And, J was meant to be a sibling.

We're so excited for our family to grow!

My T25 Experience So Far

Here I am, 4 days in to this T25 challenge.

And, I'm feeling good!

I'm a pretty open book.

(But you don't get before pictures though until I have rockin' after pictures to show as well.)

I started this challenge at 166lbs, a size 10, I'm 5'2" and a 38D (the picture above is from day 1).

Today, after 4 days of working hard and eating clean (including Shakeology for breakfast), I put on a pair of size 8 shorts and they fit great!

My energy is up.  I don't feel any crazy energy dips during the day.  I find that I'm happier and don't get stressed or discouraged as easily.  I have gotten completely ready the last two days (hair and makeup done, and dressed like a human instead of a frump).

I have been really sore.  Especially my thighs (no joke, they completely gave out on my yesterday and I fell on my bum while I was trying to do a squat).  But I'm doing my best to push through and do as much of the workout as I can - even if I have to do it "modified" or slower.

But, I know that this weekend and this next week will be really difficult for me.

Weekends are when I tend to cheat or slip up.  And tomorrow night we have a family birthday dinner celebration, so I'm a little nervous because I won't be the one cooking.  D and I have already decided to add an extra something on Saturday - a yoga class or a long walk.  And Sunday we'll stretch.

Next week, though, I'm afraid I'll start to make excuses.  I'm afraid that I'll say things like, "I'm too sore to workout" or "I'll do it later."  

I know I can do difficult things.

I know that I want and need to complete this program.

I want to be the best version of myself for J and for D.  And for me.

And J and D have been so supportive (this picture was taken after my workout today).

I guess I'm just afraid of my natural tendencies. 

What do you do to stay motivated?

It's True

For those of you who follow me on Facebook or Instagram, you got a sneak peak in to what's happening around here starting Monday, Aug 5.

I'm starting T25 and Shakeology.

 

(Yes, I'm starting this the day after D's birthday.  And you can bet your sweet patooty that I will be going allllll out to celebrate, which may leave me crying like a little girl on Monday, but whatever.)

Since having J and my body recovering from HG, it's taken me longer than what I expected to feel good.  And after J was born, I kind of ballooned into a bigger version of myself.  I've been holding steady at the same weight for months now.  And I'm feeling consistently good.  So, it's time.  Time to make myself and my health a priority.  I'm the only wife D has and the only mom J has, so I need to take care of myself for them.

(Quick shout out to my friend Katey who really has been so encouraging and kind to me - her consistent support has really helped me make this decision to commit to being healthy.)

I'm really excited about T25 - 25 minutes a day, 5 days a week for 10 weeks.  I can totally do that.  It might be 25 minutes of getting my butt kicked, but I can do it.  There's even a chart to mark off your work outs every day!  My OCD brain is geeking out over that!  And I've heard such great things about Shakeology that I'm excited to get on that train, too.  Not to mention my order came with recipes and meal plans and so many things to really help me stay on track.  I really feel like if I follow the instructions I can't fail.

There may be some posts in the next week about me missing Coca-Cola.  Or peanut-butter M&M's.  But help me push through!  Help keep me strong!  

D and I are creating a grocery shopping list tomorrow and stocking up the house with healthy food.  He's also going to be doing T25 along with me (although we'll be working out at different times and I'm not going to share my Shakeology).  My ultimate goal is to lose 30-40 lbs.  I've created a series of rewards so I can focus on smaller increments instead of being overwhelmed by a daunting 40 lb goal.  My incentives are: 10 lbs - Foam Roller Bar; 15 lbs - Princess Perfume (sample size - I don't wear perfume that often); 20 lbs - Facial or "Makeover"; 25 lbs - Massage; 30 lbs - Tickets to a theatre show or a Red Wings game; 35 lbs - New Dress; 40 - Vegas Weekend!  I have chosen to bribe myself with things I wouldn't buy for myself under normal circumstances so that they really are incentives.  For example, I have never bought myself a massage (with the exception of on our cruise back in 2011).  Incentives might seem silly to some, but I'm not above bribing myself. 

So here's to a healthier tomorrow and a healthier me.

Things I Love About J

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So often I get caught up in the day-to-day hustle and bustle.

J will only be this age once.

And, while it comes with some challenges (teething, newly found independence and defiance), there is so much I love about J today, in the stage he's in now.

I love J mimics everyone around him.  He mimics Izzy - tongue out, crawling, tug of war with socks, whining, the whole deal.  He mimics my voice students and sings their warm ups along with them.  He mimics giving kisses - he's got the sound down, but not the action.

I love that J wants to explore everything.  It's not enough to look around and take in a location, he has to test out how everything feels and sounds (sometimes tastes - it depends on if he's mimicing Izzy or not).  His connection to the world is so physical and he is analytical about everything.  He has no fear and will explore anything anywhere.

I love that J is so happy.  People have literally stopped me in parking lots and chased me down in stores to tell me how cute and happy he is (this has happened multiple times, so I don't feel like I'm exaggerating an isolated incident).  He has a smile for everyone!  And he is affectionate and willing to go to (just about) anyone and give them a few loves.  He spends church flirting with everyone around him and he brightens up anywhere he goes!

I love that J loves music.  He loves to sing, play piano, drum, listen to music, etc.  As a music lover myself, this makes me so happy!

I love J's independence (most of the time).  He is content to play and read without needing mom or dad to hold his hand.  One of his favorite games to play is to shut the door to his playroom and wait to see how long we'll let him play by himself.  Whenever we open the door back up, he laughs and laughs and then the game starts again.

I love how much J loves his daddy.  Whenever he sees D walk in the door from work or school, he waddles or crawls over to him with the biggest smile and arms wide open to love on him.  It makes me so happy!  They have a special bond, for sure.

I love how deliciously chubby he is!  He was so tiny when he was born and it makes me so happy that he has plumped into such a big and darling boy.  He's 28 lbs of solid boy and I love it!

I love that J loves books.  D and I are both readers.  J loves loves loves to look at books.  He loves reading them by himself.  He loves reading them with either of us.  We have his books everywhere (car, diaper bag, bedroom, playroom, living room, bathroom) because he loves them!

I love J's sense of humor!  He is silly to make me laugh and I love that!  We've played a game for months where I steal his bink and then he steals in back from me and we go back and forth.  He has started initiating this game on his own and he thinks it's hilarious!!  He'll also initiate peek-a-boo or other games, make silly noises, make silly faces, all to get laughs.

I love seeing the similarities between me and J and D and J.  It's so fun to see ourselves come out in him.  He has both our love of books.  My love of music.  D's love of cars.  Both of our stubbornness (oops...).  It's so fun watching his personality emerge and noticing how he really is our kid.

I love my sweet boy for everything that he is right now.