Spreading Sunshine

D and I have been incredibly blessed. 

We have a perfect son, a beautiful home, great friends, loving family, good jobs, enough to eat, working cars, plenty of clothes to wear - we are so fortunate!

And, in addition to all of this, we have been blessed by friends and complete strangers alike who have given generously to us time and time again.  

Rather than just sit here and feel thankful, I decided I want to do something with my gratitude.

I've adopted this as my new life mantra.

Target had the cutest packs of cards in their dollar section, so I picked up a bunch!

I've started sending out little love notes to friends.  It's been a blast!
(And as someone who thrives on kind words, I get an extra thrill.)

Because I've been having so much fun, I decided to up the ante.

I started putting together Buckets of Sunshine to share!

I went to the dollar store (with J - he sang Frozen songs the whole time we were there, no joke) and simply picked up orange and yellow items.

(Gold glitter star glasses, yellow silly string, bubbles, yellow candy, sudoku and word search books, yellow boxed candy, cups, drinks, gum, sunflowers and daisies, etc.)

So far, I've delivered five buckets and it makes me giddy and excited to imagine the recipient's faces when they open their buckets.

I want gratitude to be an active attribute in my life. 
I want people to remember me as someone who invites light and joy.
And while my sphere of influence may be small, I want to do the most I can with what I have been given.  I want to love with all I have!

Shifting Perspective

I'm sitting here on the couch, guzzling my swig, and willing J to go to sleep with my mind powers.  

It's not working very well - he's currently screaming in his crib and banging the rails with is bottle.

It's been a rough 24 hours.  J woke up screaming and covered from the waist down in crap.  So, as you can imagine, this means that his mattress, stuffed animals, bumper, and crib were also covered.  This is the fourth time in 24 hours that this has happened, so that means lots of laundry, lots of baths, and lots of washing and rewashing the crib and mattress.  And yesterday, I tripped over the dog while trying to feed J and twisted my ankle - it's still bruised and sore today.  With my slightly more limited mobility, I haven't been able to be as productive as I wanted so there are toys scattered everywhere, dishes to be done, laundry to put away, etc.

 But, as I look around my living room, I can't help but smile and feel grateful.

The piles of clean laundry on the couch mean that we have clothes to wear and blankets to snuggle in and that we can wash them easily and conveniently.

The toys on the floor mean that a happy boy lives and plays here.

The sounds of my kid calling for "mom mom mom mom mom" means that he knows me and loves me (or just wants me to come rescue him from his crib, but I'm gonna go with the first one).

The couch I'm sitting on while propping up and icing my foot means that we have somewhere comfortable to rest and relax and call our home.

The dirty dishes in the sink (and on the counters, and in the dishwasher) mean that we have food to eat.

We are so blessed.

Late Nights

Sometimes, late at night, when my sweet boy is dead asleep, I sneak into his room, pick him up, and slowly rock him back and forth.

I feel a lot like the mom in the story I'll Love You Forever.

 

In fact, the words from that book are on the wall above J's crib:

I'll love you forever,

I'll like you for always,

As long as you're living,

My baby you'll be.

It's during these late nights that my heart overflows with gratitude for my son.

There's no nagging to-do list, no places to be or errands to run and I get to just soak up every second with my boy.  I watch his breathing.  I hold his hand.  I stroke his soft, chubby cheeks.  I watch him smile in his sleep.  I try to memorize every detail about him.

He'll only be little once.

And I can sleep later.

Thankful Thursday

Confession: 

Sometimes I have to remind myself that I can write "thankful" posts even when it's not November.  

Silly? Yes.  But whatever - I've never claimed to not be silly.

Life with an 8 month old is a blast.  I feel like every day he's discovering new things.  Which means that every day is a little busier and I feel like I have less time to pause and reflect.  So, while little man is napping, I present to you my Thankful Thursday list (in no particular order).

Today, I am thankful for

• Target.  I'm thankful that it's only like a mile away, that they have their own brand of baby formula, and that they almost always have what I need on sale or clearance.
• Skype.  J gets to Skype with his grandparents and aunt and uncle in Oregon almost every day.  He totally recognizes them and interacts with them.  Even though they're far away, they still have a relationship.
• Google.
• My awesome SIL who totally came to the rescue yesterday and watched J for a few hours while I was teaching and D was at work (thank you!!).
• D for giving me a couple hours out of the house last night to go be silly with a friend.
• The "audio" function on the LDS Gospel Library app.  I can listen to scriptures or talks any time - even in the car!
• My pretty new laser printer/scanner/copier.  I know it's silly (see beginning of this post) but I love it!  Totally a work expense and already totally worth it.  I am going to be saving a ton on printer ink.
• Snuggles from my boy.  He's been particularly snuggly today and I am loving it.
• Laughing at silly things with my sister.  We have pretty much the same sense of humor and we call each other pretty frequently to share things that only we would find funny.
• Pitch Perfect.  I know it's a silly movie (again, see the beginning of this post).  I don't care.  I love it.  J and I might've watched the ending of it 7 times minimum yesterday.
• Christmas cards.  Sure, Christmas has been over for several weeks now.  And all my decorations have been put away.  With the exception of Christmas cards.  Seeing them up on my wall makes me so happy!  I probably won't take them down until the end of the month.
• Music!  And that I can teach music and make music for a living!  Seriously, I am living the dream.  Well, part of the dream.  Baby steps, y'all.
• Being able to be at home and watch my boy as he grow and learns and discovers and changes.  I was looking at him today and it's almost hard to believe that he's the same tiny boy I brought home from the hospital 8 months ago!
• Photos.  I'm so grateful to have photos of when J was littler and of all the sweet moments between then and now.
• My sweet little family.

 

Happy Thursday, friends!

No Words

We know how to do family vacations.

Moving On

"We see the world not as it is, but as we are"

Stephen Covey

Whether you believed in this guy,

or whether you believed in this guy,

take a moment and reflect:

Go turn on your faucet.

Do you have clean, running water?

Be thankful.

Go open your kitchen cupboards.

Do you have something to eat?

Be thankful.

Think about the last time you drove your car.

Do you drive your car on paved roads?

 Be thankful.

Flip on a light switch.

Did a light come on?

Be thankful.

Look around at your house.

Do you have solid walls?  Windows?  Floors?  Ceiling?

Be thankful.

We are so blessed.  All of us.

The election results might've been exactly what you wanted, or they might not have been what you wanted. 

Either way, we are still very blessed.

So, let's focus on that.

Stay at Home Working Mom

Let's be honest here for a bit.
Life is expensive.  Sometimes I look at our budget and I get a headache.  Sometimes I look at our bank account and want to cry.  And, while we're pretty good at living on the cheap, there's no way to escape our financial obligations.  Rent still needs to be paid.  Our cars still need gas.  People around here still need to eat (yeah, D & J, I'm looking at you - I survive just fine on $1 Coca-Cola from McDonald's - it's you two who keep wanting food).

How do we meet those financial obligations?  Since D and I have been married, we have always both had jobs (with the exception of one summer when my D/A was so bad I couldn't get off the couch, much less leave the house and go to work).  We both needed to work to bring in the money necessary to meet our needs and so we did.

After J was born, D and I had some serious and lengthy conversations about if I would be returning to work or not after my maternity leave was up.  We tossed around the idea of me returning to work and him staying home with J.  We tossed around the idea of both of us working and finding child care.  We considered all our options and felt rather strongly that I should stay home with J and not return to work outside of the home.

However, enter our financial obligations.

 We simply don't make enough on just one income to pay our bills.
How were we going to make ends meet with just one of us working?

Again, more serious and lengthy discussions took place (often late at night - why is that?).  As a theatre major and psych minor (I know, I know), what marketable skills did I have that could bring in additional income and still allow me to be at home? 

Here we are 5 months later and I'm teaching piano and voice lessons to 28 students 4 days a week.  And, for the most part, I love it.

But now I find myself in this weird anomaly - yes, I'm a stay-at-home-mom.  And yes, I am a working mom.

And it's hard work to be both!

When I'm working, I don't get to drop J off at daycare or a family member's home and focus on just work.  I'm still taking care of him.  I often teach with him strapped to my chest in a Baby Bjorn (thank God for the Baby Bjorn!) or with him in a bouncer in the studio.  I also have to manage my time and get the business side of teaching done while he's napping - emails, scheduling, payments, ordering music, etc.  There have been lessons when I've been bouncing a screaming and exhausted baby while trying to teach.  There have been lessons where I've had to dance and bounce around the studio while teaching to keep J asleep in the Baby Bjorn.

It's a difficult and challenging balance and navigate - being able to focus on my students and give them the attention that they need and are paying for, and still take care of J.

 Some days I honestly wish that I could drop J off at daycare and work in a more "traditional" setting where I have set hours that I work and set hours that I don't.

Most days I wish that all my bills would magically disappear.

But on all days, I'm grateful for my baby boy.

And I'm grateful that I can work from home.  I'm grateful that I can be here to take care of my boy. 

As hard as it is, I'm grateful that I can be both a stay-at-home and working mom.

I'm linking up at

"Single Parent" Days

Three times a month, D volunteers as a firefighter for Penryn Fire Protection District.  This means he's gone for 24 hours.  That further means that I'm alone with J for 24 hours.  The days that he's gone also happen to be days that I teach piano and voice lessons.

Yesterday was one of those days.

When J needed a bottle, it was all me.

When J needed his bum changed, it was all me.

When J needed a bath, it was all me.

When J needed rice cereal and sweet potatoes, it was all me.

When J needed some loving, it was all me.

When J needed some play time, it was all me.

When J woke up in the middle of the night, it was all me.

When J needed to go down for a nap, it was all me.

Whatever J needed, it was up to me.

I also had laundry and dishes to do as well as some errands to run.

I also happened to teach 5 piano lessons and 1 voice lesson.

Holy exhausted, Batman!

(When I finally sat down to eat dinner at 11pm, all I had the energy for was a bowl of cereal.) 

The day wasn't anything extraordinary or terrible.  It was a normal day.  But it was hard work.  J is a sweet and happy baby, pretty dang easy, and I was still super tired at the end of the day.

It's on days like yesterday that I realize how much he does for me and J.  I'm so grateful to have a husband who is an equal partner and contributor.  He is such a great dad to J and I know that I always can count on him (in fact, he's currently rocking a crying baby to sleep - he's just the best!).  What would I do without that man?

D, thank you.  Thanks for sticking with us.

Reflecting and Remembering

Please don't think of me as a disaster of a person from my last post.

I forgot the date.

I realized after my post how silly it was for me to have posted about my really-not-that-bad day on the 11th anniversary of the attacks on the World Trade Center.

Truly, we are a blessed people and we live in a blessed land.

I remember the feelings I had on this day 11 years ago - disbelief, shock, horror, complete sadness and heartache.  I cried watching all of the TV footage throughout the day at school.  Even thinking about it now I feel sorrow for the families and friends who lost loved ones in the attacks.

And, at the same time, I felt gratitude and happiness at the way the country banded together - we were all brothers and sisters on 9/11 carrying each other, offering service, and anything that we could to help another person.  And, thinking about this day 11 years ago, those same desires to serve my brothers and sisters are welling up in me.

I am grateful to the men and women who serve every day to protect our country and our freedoms.

I am grateful to the men and women who serve in the armed forces, the fire service, and the police service.

In honor of those who passed in 9/11 - the men, women, fathers, mothers, sons, daughters, sisters, brothers, children, grandparents, firefighters, police men, etc. - let's all be a little kinder.

This week, let's fill our days with acts of kindness towards each other - strangers, friends and family alike.  Take out the trash for your roommate/parent/spouse.  Pay for the person in line behind you at the drive through.  Look the bagger at the grocery store in the eye and say thank you.  Let's all be a little kinder.

Thankful Thursday

It's been a while since I've done a gratitude list.  But, I'm feeling very grateful for a lot of things right now!  So, before we zip on up to Tahoe for a couple of days to celebrate our anniversary, I thought I'd take a few minutes to put together a Thankful Thursday list!

I'm Thankful For:

• D having the rest of the week off for baby bonding time (thank you state of California!)
• My car (custom body job and all!)
• My sweet boy who slept 12 hours last night! (slept from 8p-4a when he woke up to eat, and then went right back to sleep until 8a!)
• Sweet baby boy smiles
• Sweet baby boy snuggles (they really only happen when he's tired, but when he does snuggle me, it's the best!)
• My puppy who gives so many loves and snuggles
• $1 fruit and yogurt parfaits at McD's
• $1 large size swigs at McD's
• Texting
• Meds
• Prayer
• Forgiveness
• New days
• My momma being my running partner/motivator - we're following the same sched and we're going to run a 5k together in November on Turkey Day
• Hot showers
• The Internets
• Netflix
• J's swing
• My awesome HT who dropped off home-grown tomatoes for me last night - yum!
• My rad piano and voice students
• Going to Tahoe for 2 full days to play!

 

What are you thankful for??

Sister Vists, 2.0 and Momma Comes Too!

In a quick chain of events, S and Mom ended up coming to visit me this last week while D was out fighting fires.  The last time S visited me we had a awesome time and she inspired me to be a better person in many ways.  This trip was no different.

S broke her foot during band camp so she was in an air cast and wasn't able to run with me, but she and Momma made sure that I ran every day (or every day that I was feeling good since I'm still recovering from the 8 months of hell known as pregnancy).  I'm still only running about 2/3 of a mile, but I'm feeling stronger while I'm running, so I'd say that's progress!

S and Momma also went through my closet with me and helped me weed out items that weren't doing me any favors and/or were totally worn out.  I have this bad habit of not getting rid of clothes because what if that top comes back into style?  And I hate getting rid of something that I spent hard earned money on. So it just hangs in my closet.  But, we made a lot of progress and my closet has been slimmed down.  What remains also has been combined into outfits so hopefully I'll look less like a homeless person and more like a put together human.

But the most wonderful part of having S here was watching her with J.  S is the baby of the family, so she didn't get to grow up with any younger siblings like I did (I'm the oldest).  It is just so sweet and funny to watch her with J!  She can get more smiles out of him than anyone else!  He adores her!  They have great conversations and tell jokes and play.  I love seeing how much S loves J and how much he loves her back! 

Every person needs a Momma like mine.  While she was here, she just jumped right in and took care of whatever needed to be done.  She washed bottles, did laundry, cleaned my bathroom, made dinners, watched J, vacuumed, cleaned mirrors, ran to the grocery store, helped me finish projects, and let me get some sleep.  She is amazing!!!!!  Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays my afternoons are packed with piano and voice students and Momma and S made sure everything was taken care (mainly Izzy-dog and J) of while I was teaching.  And J loves his Grandma!  She taught him how to blow raspberries while she was here and it is now how favorite game!  And if you blow raspberries at him, he smiles and laughs!  And J told Grandma lots of stories and gave her lots of snuggles because he loves her so so much.  

Momma and S were total life savers this last week and I'm so grateful that they could make the trip down to be with me while D was away.  I am so blessed to have this wonderful women in my life!  What would I do without them?

Times Like These

My ideal Saturday used to be something alone the lines of: sleeping in, having someone make me yummy food, shopping but spending someone else's money, getting a massage, laying out by the pool in the sun, maybe hanging out at Disneyland, or kayaking, or snorkeling, or jet skiing.  Basically a day of playing with no real responsibility, where I don't even have to think if I don't want to.  :)

Today hasn't been like that, but it has been pretty awesome.  I taught a voice lesson, which pumped me up for the rest of the day (I love teaching!), ran a couple of errands, played on the floor with J and he gave me lots of smiles and coos, skyped with my momma and S, and now J is taking a nap (I laid him in his crib and he fell asleep on his own - score!) and I'm sitting in my glider feeling so content.

I would still like a massage and someone to feed me, but today has been a pretty perfect Saturday.

J's Blessing

This past weekend, family and friends gathered for J's baby blessing.  My heart was overflowing with gratitude as I saw how many loved ones came to be with us.  

Members of the Taylor family

My momma made J's blessing outfit and it was adorable!

Look at that sweet, precious face!

D performed the blessing and fathers, uncles, cousins, brother-in-laws, Grandpa W, and friends were all there to stand in the circle with D and J.  That site alone had me in tears!

We waited a long time for J to join our family and the road was quite difficult - there were times I seriously doubted that I would live to see the day that J joined our family! 

 But I love being a mom to such a sweet and special boy.  And I am so blessed!

Grateful Saturday

I am grateful for

• J's swing.  It plugs in, makes music, and he loves it!  Maybe he slept in it all night Wednesday night.  It's a lifesaver.
• J's awesome team of doctors and specialists who are working to correct his left foot.  It looks so good!  And we're on to the brace stage now, so no more casts!
• Coca-Cola
• Music
• Teaching music and my awesome-town students
• Craigslist
• My sweet husband who takes care of the middle-of-the-night feedings so I can sleep.
• Good friends who take me and J in on days when I'm struggling.
• Laughter
• Chocolate-chip Cookies
• Cell phones and Skype
• Physical therapy
• Email
• Awesome birthday cards and wishes from family and friends that made me smile all day (my birthday was on Tuesday).
•  Cameras so I can capture the precious moments I have with J and D.
• Sleep.

What are you grateful for this week?

Fathers

I am a super lucky blessed girl.

My Daddy is the best.

He can always make me laugh either with his jokes, his funny thumb, or in desperate situations his funny elbow.  :)  And when we play games together, they're that much more fun when Dad plays.  I have fun memories of playing Sorry, Bang, The Great Dalmuti, Karaoke, street hockey, street football, and neighborhood wide squirt gun fights.  All with my Dad.
He taught me about football!  I remember watching football games all season long with my dad.  We always cheered for BYU.
He is fun to text message with.  :)
His family is super important to him.  He loves spending time with us and I love that.  And it was always important that we were all at FHE and that we all tried to be at each others activities.
Dad made Christmas Eve super special as he would read the Christmas Story while we all acted it out.

He is strong and brave.  When I was younger, I was afraid that vampires or zombies or the eels from Little Mermaid would come and get me in my sleep, but my Daddy made sure I was safe.

He let me dance on his feet to our song from Sleeping Beauty.  And he'd come in at night and sing my special song before I fell asleep.  I love being his princess.

My Daddy has always treated my Mom like a queen.  I wanted to marry a man like him.

He has always been quick to help someone in need.

He is so handy.  I remember helping (although looking back now, I'm not sure how much help I was) him while he was finishing the basement in our house in Michigan - he taught me how to snap a chalk line :)  He's redone bathrooms, roofed a house, laid hardwood floor, etc. My Dad can do anything.

I remember when I was younger falling asleep to my Dad's laughter while he was watching TV.  I knew that I was safe because my Dad was home.  And I loved falling asleep to his laugh.

My Dad interviewed boys who took me out on dates.  Some of those interviews were embarrassing at the time, but now they're hilarious!  He told one boy, who was already terrified of him, "I want you to know that I hate you."  Awesome.  My Dad has always looked out for me.

He gives great advice.  He waits for me to ask for it, and, when I do, he has great insight.

He has always honored his Priesthood and served willingly.  I remember clearly the Father's Blessing he gave me before I left for my freshman year at BYU and that blessing gave me so much help and comfort during that challenging year.  He was also the Bishop to interview me for Baptism and then baptized me on my birthday.  It's a very special memory for me.

He loves Sara Bareilles.  We sing along to her songs together. :)

He is Mr. Boy Scout USA!

Now that I have a kid and know how much I love him, it has opened my eyes to how much my Daddy loves me. 

 Happy Father's Day, Daddy!

I have a great FIL, too.

He honors his Priesthood.  He serves in his callings willingly and fully and he encourages us to do the same.

He treats my MIL like a queen.

He is funny.  And fun.  Whether it's playing shuffle board, liars dice, jet skiing, 4-wheeling, or just sitting around talking, my FIL is great.

He is brave and strong.  He's a career firefighter, most recently working as a Fire Chief.  He helped in the aftermath of hurricanes Katrina, Rita and Wilma as well as 9-11.  He also played semi-pro football until he was 53.

He can build anything.  Seriously.  He's built three houses.

He's a huge BYU football fan.  Football games at his house are the best way to spend a Saturday during football season.

He's always there to support us and wants the best for us.

Happy Father's Day, FIL!

With these two men as Grandfathers, J is one lucky blessed boy!

Not to mention...

It's D's first Father's Day!

And he's the best man that I know.

I love him so much!

And J adores him.  When he hears D's voice, he starts looking around for him.  It's so sweet to see these two together.

Happy First Father's Day, D!

 

I am so blessed to have these fathers in my life!  And I'm so grateful for the example that they set for my son.

Happy Father's Day!

Family Lovin'

Such a Proud Momma

I don't think there's a more handsome boy anywhere in the world!  Isn't he just so sweet??

I was not meant to be pregnant.  

But I was meant to be his momma.

I adore him!

Jackson LaMar

He couldn't be more perfect!!

My Momma

I just wanna take a minute and brag about how awesome my momma is.

My momma lives in Oregon while I'm here in California.  And while she hasn't been able to take care of me the way she's wanted to during this pregnancy, she has been a total rock!

At Thanksgiving, she and my family came down to CA.  She was there taking care of me while I was so sick during the holiday, getting me whatever I needed, making sure I got some sleep, etc.  

A couple weeks later, I flew home to Oregon, partially for Christmas and partially so my momma could take care of me for a couple of weeks.  She was up with me late at night holding my hair and rubbing my back while I threw up, she kept Vitamin Water stocked for me (as that was the only thing that was staying down at the time), played Phase 10 with me, played with my hair, made sure I slept, talked me through my fears and worries, etc.  It was hard to come back to California - even though I had missed D, it was so nice having my momma take care of me!

My mom has made time for me nearly every day to talk on the phone.  She has listened to me talk through every concern, frustration, joy and pain.  She has been able to understand in a way that no one else can.  All of the feelings and thoughts that I have felt guilty for thinking and feeling I have been able to express to her without judgement.  She has talked me down from emotional extremes, given me sound advice, and been ready to go to bat for me with doctors if needed.  She has also been so excited with me when good things have happened - like the first time I felt J move.  Good day or bad day, I have gotten so much comfort from talking to my momma.

In March, my momma took a week out of her life to drive down with two of my siblings to help me get ready for J and do all the things that I couldn't do.  She was the force behind getting everything in my apartment clean and organized.  Before she came, I was feeling so stressed about not having things ready and in order.  She took all my stresses and completely calmed them.  She worked so hard to get my home ready for J.  And all with a smile on her face!

This last weekend, my momma came down again.  This was a quick trip, mostly for my baby shower.  But having her here after having been in the hospital a few days before was so comforting!  She played with my hair and snuggled me and kept reassuring me that I could make it to the end of this pregnancy.  She and I put J's room together - with everything in its place - and had fun cooing over the adorable little things that would soon be J's (all the cute little outfits, the toys, the bathtub, etc.).

My momma has 5 kids.  It's not like I'm the only child that she worries about.  But when I talk to her and when I'm with her, I feel like the most important and loved daughter in the world.  I am so grateful she's my momma (and so grateful that she will be J's gramma)!

Updizzle

Remember that huge to do list I had?
Everything has been crossed off of it!!

My mom and two youngest siblings came down from Oregon last week to spend their Spring Break helping me and D get everything ready in our apartment for J (since I am pretty much useless). And, oh my goodness, my apartment is sooooo clean!!! I am so grateful to them for spending their break working hard to help me. It was so nice to have them here! D appreciated the break from having to chauffeur me to and from the hospital for hydration and appointments and such, too. Even when D was at work, I wasn't lonely like I usually am because I had my family here!! Seriously, we're so thankful to them!

So now I'm feeling much more at ease about J coming the next month or so. :)

Additionally, with the PICC line in, I've been getting hydrated every Tuesday and Friday, which has made a HUGE difference. I even put on 2 pounds! (I'm still 8 pounds down from my pre-pregnancy weight, but that's ok.)

J continues to grow and move and entertain us (and sometimes hurt me with his strong kicks). His favorite thing is to wedge his bum up under my right ribs and his feet up under my left ribs and then PUSH. Kind of cool to watch, kind of really not cool to experience. He and D were playing tonight as D would grab his foot or leg and J would kick back. Those two are going to have so much fun together!

It's amazing to me that we've made it this far. It feels like I've been pregnant forever. But now, with the crib set up, little clothes in the closet and dresser, and things falling into place, I'm starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel!

Thank goodness.