What the Future Holds

Cruise to Mexico in September: booked
New Bathing Suits: purchased
Time Off: approved

We figured since life isn't going according to plan, we would just take sometime for ourselves and enjoy where we're at right now, together, just me and D.

This August is our 4th anniversary. My birthday is in July, his is in August. So, for our birthdays and anniversary we decided to go on a cruise (neither of us have ever been) and just get away! We'll spend our actual anniversary in Tahoe, but the countdown for the cruise is ON!
(and maybe the cruise gives me something tangible to work for, weight loss wise...)

Since we've never been, if any of you are cruise pros, feel free to offer advice! :)

If you don't have anything nice to say...

My aunt used to joke "If you don't have anything nice to say, come and sit by me!"

But how do you tell a coworker or a friend or a family member or whoever that you don't appreciate the negative way they talk about other people?

I don't want to get sucked in to the negativity, nor do I want people thinking that it's ok to talk crap about other people to me.

But, I don't know how to say anything to stop the negativity, nor do I know how to re-direct the conversation (especially if it's about someone I don't know).

Any tips/suggestions?

Easter

I realize that everyone has different burdens to bear, trials to go through, challenges to face and conquer. And I don't want to minimize anybody's struggles, nor am I trying to say "look at me" or "pity me" by talking about my own challenges.

That being said, the last 9 months have been difficult.
I feel like in a lot of ways I'm not who I set out to become.
And I feel like although I'm try, I feel like I keep running head first into obstacles.
My body fights against me, timing doesn't work out, etc.

We're taught that the atonement is for repenting of sins.
But I'm personally learning that the atonement is for so much more.
Today, one of the speakers quoted Alma 7:11-12 about how Christ will succor us according to our individual needs because he's suffered all our pains and afflictions, not just for our sins.
When I'm at the end of my rope (like lately), I'm learning to give it to the Lord.
Learning is the operative word.

I am so grateful for the atonement.

(from 320*Sycamore)

Death by Taco Bell

I love Mexican food. Love it - could (and have) eaten it for lunch and dinner every day.

Now, I realize Taco Bell doesn't really count as Mexican food, but I needed some kind of fix, so I went there for lunch yesterday.

Worst.
Idea.
Ever.

Sure it tasted great at the time.
But oh my goodness I thought I was dying last night and today.
(Seriously, last night I rolled ever several times and told Dustin I thought I was dying.)

So, no more Taco Bell for this kid. :(
Feel free to suggest other places to get better Mexican food, though!

Worries and Wants

So the last year has been challenging in several different ways.

I was talking to a good friend, E, last night about some of the challenges and she shared something that she learned at Time Out For Women. One of the speakers ended up finding out she was speaking super last minute. She shared from her life (and I wasn't there so I'm trying to remember what E told me) that she had spent years planning to get married and have kids and it just hadn't happened. As LDS people, we've been taught that when we're faced with a decision or something we dearly want that we need to study it out, make a decision, and then pray about it and we'll either feel that it's right or wrong. Well, this lady would pray to get married and have a family. But nothing was happening! And then she read a scripture (I don't have the reference, sorry!) that started her thinking. Maybe instead of praying for what she wanted, she should pray and ask if her concern was something she should even be praying about! And, she found that often times the answer she received from the Lord was, "don't worry about it right now." That let her go on to focus on other things that the Lord did want her worrying about instead.

So that got me thinking. A lot of my prayers have been "Heavenly Father, I want this now. Oh, and Thy will be done." But after talking to E, I started thinking that maybe I should ask the Lord if I should even be worrying about my current worry. And if the answer is no, I should let it go and focus on other things that the Lord wants me to spend my time on instead.

Granted, sometimes it's difficult to let go of our worries or wants.
But, I hope that I can grow to the point that when the Lord tells me not to worry about it right now, I can trust Him and focus my efforts where He wants so I can become who He wants me to become.

A Forced Hiatus

Tuesday was my day off this week. I was getting things done, having a grand day when suddenly, our internet ceased working.

Upon seeing some ATT guys working by the side of the road, I figured they were just doing some repairs or upgrades. However, come Wednesday night there was still no internet. So I called ATT and they got someone out on Friday night who said, "Well, uh, I don't know how to fix the problem!" and sent someone out this morning (Saturday) to fix it for him.

So, while unplanned, we've had 3 full days without internet access.
And, while it was annoying when I needed to look up a phone number or something, it was mostly not that bad! I don't feel like I missed anything by not seeing constant status updates. I even lived without being able to check my email. And my bank accounts were all positive when I checked them this morning.

While disconnected I was able to spend more time with my husband, got more sleep, spent more time at the gym, etc. Although I worried the first day about the emails I was missing, I realized anyone who really needed to get a hold of me could call or text me, even my boss. :)

Moral of the story: I don't need to be constantly "connected."
In fact, disconnecting was pretty dang relieving and healthy.

Charity

Today in Relief Society, we had a lesson on Charity.

While I've had lessons on Charity before, the teacher challenged us to think about what charity smelled, tasted, felt, and sounded like.

We got into groups and discussed these questions, starting with smell. Someone in our group said that charity smelled like new babies. From that I remembered the time with my friend and visiting teacher M came over after I had surgery in 2005. She brought her baby over and just sat him on my lap and it was wonderful! I couldn't do anything but sit there, but I loved it!

The more I thought about examples of Charity in my life, the more I realized how very very blessed I have been! (And I sat there in the back of the class just bawling with L's arm around me I thought about it.) From friends lending us their car for an evening when ours was dead in Provo to a bishop's wife always being there with a hug and a listening ear. We, and I, have been so blessed!

This also got me thinking that life is hard.
Just when I think I have regained balance, something else gets hurled our way to challenge us.

In fact, just a few months ago, I found myself saying something to the effect of "Really God? I'm already struggling with d/a. You want to throw this at me too? Wasn't the first struggle enough???"

Clearly, though, God has different plans.
And that's ok.
I mean, it's more than ok.
It's perfect.
And, if I let go of my need for "balance" and just trust in Him, maybe I'll find more balance and charity than I ever knew I had the capacity for.

Spring is in the air

Spring finally showed up (hopefully for good) around here.

Dustin does most of the cooking around here and likes to use a lot of different herbs and he always comments that fresh is better.

So, because I love him (and his cooking) and because it's warm and sunshiney, I planted a (tiny) herb garden!

Cilantro, Dill, Basil and Oregano!

We also are planting tomatoes and strawberries (those are in little starter crate things right now) and maybe even green beans.

Yum!

Opening Up

When I was little, I was the kind of kid who would go up to strangers in the grocery store or restaurants and start talking. I had no reservations, no embarrassment about meeting and talking to new people.

I don't know when it changed, but as I grew older, I stopped reaching out. I would never characterize myself as shy at any point in my life, but I stopped talking to strangers and was embarrassed to open up and share.

Recently, I've been thinking a lot about this change. I have gone through some really lonely times when all I wanted was to have someone to connect with. And yet, I was embarrassed to open up and say anything because what would they think of me.

I don't think I'm the only one who has experienced this. Especially as I've looked at facebook and twitter and blogs. We have all of these ways of reaching out to try and connect with each other, but we're too scared or too ashamed to just say what we have to say openly. Instead, we post vague status updates on fb like "I just wish that things were different" or something hoping that anyone will ask what's going on and give us the opportunity to open up and connect. We'll post tweets about what we're doing hoping that someone will connect and want to do things with us too. And we post blogs where we open up and hope someone will comment and connect with what we're writing.

When I am struggling with something, I know that I want is someone I can share my burden with. Yet, if someone asks how I'm doing, I answer "fine." I don't say that I'm struggling or frustrated or sad or whatever. I don't say that I'm shouldering a heavy trial.

Why don't we just talk honestly with each other?

Why are we embarrassed or ashamed or scared to share our struggles with each other?

I know that when I was baptized to be a member of the LDS church, I covenanted to bear other's burdens. And I know others who were baptized made the same covenant. So why don't I let anyone share in bearing my burdens?

I've decided I'm done being closed off about my life. Not that I'm going to run up to people and say "guess what I'm going through?!" but if someone asks, I'm not going to pretend. Maybe what I am struggling with can strengthen other people as we struggle and share burdens together. My trials are not who I am, rather they're just a part of what's shaping me. My struggles are not embarrassing, nor should I be scared about opening up to others.

In the few times that I've tried, I haven't been disappointed.

So, here's to a more open life!