Thinking about a Foster Kid's Perspective

I've been so focused on getting our home and ourselves ready to be a foster family that I haven't stopped to think about what our foster child(ren) (FC) will be experiencing when they come to us.  Now that things are in more or less in place and we are in a waiting period, it struck me that my FC will be going through all sorts of changes and adjustments as well.

Can you imagine being pulled by the only home that you've known?  With the only parents you've known?  Even if you've been neglected and/or abused, it's still your only reality.

And now, you're being dropped off at a total stranger's house and everything is different - the smells, the toys, the clothes, the food.  Unfamiliar.  You're told you will be safe, but how can you know?  How can you trust that you'll have enough to eat?  A safe place to sleep?  Clothes to wear?  That no one will hurt you?

I would be terrified.

I imagine that I would cry a lot.
I imagine that I would be too scared to eat.  Or talk.  Or really do anything.
 I imagine that I would flinch if someone tried to hug me.
I would feel like it's my fault that I couldn't live at home anymore.
I would feel like I'm a bad kid.
I am sure that I would act out and test boundaries to see if I would get sent away again.
I imagine I would be afraid to unpack, get comfortable, or open myself up at all for fear of being pushed away.

I'm assuming that the first week will be an adjustment period.  I am honestly planning on cancelling the majority of my lessons during that first week so I can focus on my family.  I've been looking into different ways to help your FC communicate (i.e. "talk to the stars" or "talk to the stuffed animal," drawing pictures).  I've been making mental lists of activities we can all do together as a family (park, zoo, board games, cooking/baking, walks, coloring, reading) that are inclusive and non-threatening.  I have a couple books on order from Amazon about different parenting methods for various behaviors.  I've been praying constantly for strength, empathy, understanding, love and kindness for myself and my FC.   But, when the time comes, I don't want to get so consumed by all the changes and activities and things that I forget to take time to listen and understand how my FC feels.

How do you help to heal the hurt? 
How can I help my FC know that s/he is truly loved and not alone or worthless?
How do I build a relationship of trust and love?

Guilty Pleasure

We don't watch a ton of TV in this house.  Not that I think that there's anything wrong with TV.  I just am usually running around like a crazy person so there's not much time to sit and watch a show.  That being said, we do have some favorites: Big Bang Theory, Bones, Arrested Development, and Psych.  However, our schedule isn't tied to watching any of these - we just kind of catch them when we can.  And if we don't watch the whole episode, it's ok (we've seen them all like a bazillion times anyway). 

However, I do have one TV show that I do watch - and if I don't watch the whole episode, get outta my way because I'm gonna find a way to watch what I missed!  

This TV show is my guilty pleasure.

America's Next Top Model

I know, I know, it's silly.  

I have no desire to be a model.

I have no desire to be in the fashion industry.

And sure, Tyra's a little crazy intense.

But I love this show!

The photo shoots!

The drama!

The makeovers!

The destinations!

The hair and make up!

The judging!

The runways!

The crazy twists (like pose under water! or pose on top of a skyscraper while it's raining! or walk down the side of a building!)!

In college, I would watch marathons of it on weekends while studying or journaling.

D used to tease me and call me "America's Next Short Model."

Whatever.

This cycle is cycle 20, and to shake things up Tyra added guys to the competition.  

Not gonna lie, I like the guys this season way more than the girls - the girls are all ho-hum, kind of forgettable, or really annoying.  (Cory is my favorite, but Marvin, Don, Jeremy and Phil are also pretty great.)  I have even voted for my favorites (because you can do that now!  Social media scores impact if a model stays or goes home).  Just finished watching episode 6 and I can't wait for the next one!

 I'm sure there are much better uses of my time than watching America's Next Top Model, but I don't really care.  I'm gonna watch it anyway!

What's one of your guilty pleasures?

Playroom Update

With a little girl coming into our lives really soon, we wanted to update our boy dominated playroom.  Our playroom has tools, cars, and blocks.  And while I would hope my daughter would enjoy these things, I wanted to diversify our toy selection to include some more options.

We hit up craigslist and found an awesome bookshelf for cheap.  We pulled the shelves out and D sanded it down.  

We painted it a bright and happy yellow ("Fresh Pineapple" by Glidden to be exact),

 lined the inside with contact paper, 

and put up a tension rod, mirror, and hooks. 

 Now, we have an awesome dress up closet for super hero capes and princess dresses alike!  

 Here's what our playroom looks like now!

 

I want to add a couple of gutter shelves for books around the chair.  I also need to put up clips on the wire line above the table to hang up art work.  Lastly, want to put up a "playroom rules" canvas above the tool bench (I found one at Hobby Lobby and I am in love! - now just to watch for it to go on sale).

I am so excited and grateful to have this space for our kids to enjoy together!  I'm excited to watch them learn, grow, play and create together.