Oh my what?

I had an epiphany.  

I had thought about being a mom someday - at some hypothetical future point in my life.  When I was single, I thought about getting married in the same way - someday I would get married but it would be at some point in the unimaginable future.  Then, one day, I realized that I wanted to get married in the imaginable future.  I remember very clearly praying to Heavenly Father that I would be able to actually find my husband.  That was several months before I met D.  It took a large change of heart and a paradigm shift though for me to realize that marriage was something I wanted not just someday, but really!

The epiphany about being a mom came over a much longer period of time than the epiphany abut getting married.  The last show I worked on, Little Happy Secrets, had a subplot of a sister whose baby dies from SIDS.  The girl who played that part and I did a lot of research about losing an infant and that kind of grief.  This got me thinking a lot about family.  My good friend N just had a baby a month ago and I've been able to spend a lot of time with her and her new son.  The second I held him, I fell in love.  Then the visiting teaching message this month is about defending and upholding the family.  I had the opportunity to teach the message this month and I thought a lot about how wonderful and amazing it is that Heavenly Father gives us the opportunity to have families on this earth.  Heavenly Father cares most about how his children enter and leave the world.  Only those couples who are in the highest degree of glory in the Celestial kingdom will have the opportunity to continue to procreate.  How wonderful is it that we get to practice that power of creation here on earth!  And we don't have to get to heaven by ourselves - we have our family to help us!  (Ok, this probably makes sense to no one but me, but it's my blog so whatev.)

Then I realized - I want to be a mom.  Not just someday but sometime in the foreseeable future.  This is not any sort of announcement.  D and I probably won't have kids still for several years.  But just realizing that I do want to be a mom is a huge step forward for me.  :)