Time marches on

I had to go to work today after 4 days off.

It was difficult. Especially because it was a beautiful day! And D didn't have work or volunteer firefighting.

Tomorrow, I think, will be even more difficult.

I have an intake appointment downtown. In the psychiatric department, or whatever its called.

What's bananas is that I've actually had a really good week. I've gotten out of bed, I've done things that in the past have given me ridiculously high levels of anxiety, I've been happy mostly, etc. So now that I'm faced with going to this appointment tomorrow, I'm feeling a lot like:

Hey, I don't really need help. I've got this all under control myself. I'm doing just fine.

Which is, obviously, not true. But this is the trap I fall into! I go through a really scary low during which I decide I really need help. And then come out of it and live relatively normally for like a week and decide I'm actually fine and I can keep handling this on my own because I'm fine right now!

Anyway, I'm scared for the appointment tomorrow. Scared to be honest with people I don't know. Scared that it's supposed to take 3 hours (what?! 3 hours?!). Scared that other people are also going to be there (hi, my name is L and I have d/a). Scared to go by myself (D has work).

Scared that it won't work.