Christmas

I'm not going to lie... Since getting married, Christmases have been quite different. We went to my family's house the first year we were married, and that was fun. The year after we stayed in Utah, too poor to travel, and went to my BIL's family's cabin, and that was also fun but different. Last year, we had a W family Christmas, which was loud and busy and bursting with people and energy. This year we would ideally be going to my family's house, but D couldn't get time off in December and I couldn't get time off in January so we're staying home. We're at my in-laws and I feel like I should be all happy and cheery. And I was feeling happy and cheery until today. And then it hit me - it's another Christmas that I won't be spending with my family. Another Christmas my siblings will experience without me. It breaks my heart not to be there. I burst into tears multiple times today with no explanation other than "I want to go home." While I've carried some T family traditions with me (the "Teach the Children" story, Santa signing you so you know he's been there), the whole experience is totally different. It's fun to watch my niece and nephews anticipate Santa coming and anticipate the "big day." But it doesn't quite have the same magic. Although I've watched the traditional Christmas movies, listened to all the carols, sent out cards, baked and delivered goodies, I don't quite know how to capture the Christmas spirit. I keep thinking about what I'm missing...And while I know the meaning of the season is not about what we lack, I just can't seem capture the feelings of warmth and charity.

So, sorry to be a Scrooge. I do feel grateful for all my blessings and that I have in-laws to celebrate with and a family who misses me. And I do wish you all the merriest of Christmases. I hope that you and yours have a truly blessed holiday season.

And here's to a cheery Christmas day.

Merry Christmas.