Stay at Home Working Mom

Let's be honest here for a bit.
Life is expensive.  Sometimes I look at our budget and I get a headache.  Sometimes I look at our bank account and want to cry.  And, while we're pretty good at living on the cheap, there's no way to escape our financial obligations.  Rent still needs to be paid.  Our cars still need gas.  People around here still need to eat (yeah, D & J, I'm looking at you - I survive just fine on $1 Coca-Cola from McDonald's - it's you two who keep wanting food).

How do we meet those financial obligations?  Since D and I have been married, we have always both had jobs (with the exception of one summer when my D/A was so bad I couldn't get off the couch, much less leave the house and go to work).  We both needed to work to bring in the money necessary to meet our needs and so we did.

After J was born, D and I had some serious and lengthy conversations about if I would be returning to work or not after my maternity leave was up.  We tossed around the idea of me returning to work and him staying home with J.  We tossed around the idea of both of us working and finding child care.  We considered all our options and felt rather strongly that I should stay home with J and not return to work outside of the home.

However, enter our financial obligations.

 We simply don't make enough on just one income to pay our bills.
How were we going to make ends meet with just one of us working?

Again, more serious and lengthy discussions took place (often late at night - why is that?).  As a theatre major and psych minor (I know, I know), what marketable skills did I have that could bring in additional income and still allow me to be at home? 

Here we are 5 months later and I'm teaching piano and voice lessons to 28 students 4 days a week.  And, for the most part, I love it.

But now I find myself in this weird anomaly - yes, I'm a stay-at-home-mom.  And yes, I am a working mom.

And it's hard work to be both!

When I'm working, I don't get to drop J off at daycare or a family member's home and focus on just work.  I'm still taking care of him.  I often teach with him strapped to my chest in a Baby Bjorn (thank God for the Baby Bjorn!) or with him in a bouncer in the studio.  I also have to manage my time and get the business side of teaching done while he's napping - emails, scheduling, payments, ordering music, etc.  There have been lessons when I've been bouncing a screaming and exhausted baby while trying to teach.  There have been lessons where I've had to dance and bounce around the studio while teaching to keep J asleep in the Baby Bjorn.

It's a difficult and challenging balance and navigate - being able to focus on my students and give them the attention that they need and are paying for, and still take care of J.

 Some days I honestly wish that I could drop J off at daycare and work in a more "traditional" setting where I have set hours that I work and set hours that I don't.

Most days I wish that all my bills would magically disappear.

But on all days, I'm grateful for my baby boy.

And I'm grateful that I can work from home.  I'm grateful that I can be here to take care of my boy. 

As hard as it is, I'm grateful that I can be both a stay-at-home and working mom.

I'm linking up at