Keeping a Place in My Heart

In the past year and a half, there have been several instances that have hurt me.  Not just like bruised feelings, but real deep hurting in my heart. 

Day to day, I can shove these memories and feelings down deep and just deal with the stuff on the surface like nothing ever happened.

But, when I sit down and think about anything related to these instances, the hurt comes back (which sucks, because some of these instances should bring happy feelings instead).

 I don't want to feel the hurt any more.

The situations that hurt me can't be changed.  Those who hurt me have no idea that I'm hurting.  There haven't been any apologies.

I wrestle with wanting to confront what happened and say, "Look!  This hurt!  Apologize!"
But would that do any good?  Do the people who hurt me need to know they hurt me in order for me to forgive them?  That doesn't make sense.  Still, a part of me really wants that confrontation.  That apology.

James E. Faust said,

Most of us need time to work through pain and loss. We can find all manner of reasons for postponing forgiveness. One of these reasons is waiting for the wrongdoers to repent before we forgive them. Yet such a delay causes us to forfeit the peace and happiness that could be ours. The folly of rehashing long-past hurts does not bring happiness.

(The Healing Power of Forgiveness, April 2007)

When I ask God to forgive me, I don't ask him how He does it.  I just want Him to do it.

Now I'm in the situation of needing to forgive, but not quite knowing how.

He goes on to say,

We need to recognize and acknowledge angry feelings. It will take humility to do this, but if we will get on our knees and ask Heavenly Father for a feeling of forgiveness, He will help us. The Lord requires us “to forgive all men” for our own good because “hatred retards spiritual growth.” Only as we rid ourselves of hatred and bitterness can the Lord put comfort into our hearts.

I want to move forward.

I want to let go of the hurts.

I want to forgive.

The first step is asking the Lord to hold my hand and teach me how.