How to Act

In the 2 days that my Duchess Kate and Hyperemesis post has been up, it has been viewed over 200 times.  Because of this response on the blog and the responses I've gotten on Facebook and via email, I gathered a few ladies I know who also have experienced HG to put together this post for you:

• Go spend some time with her!  She's not contagious - you won't catch HG.  But she is probably (definitely) lonely and scared.  While she won't have energy to so much, most likely, just sitting on the couch with her will make a huge difference!  There was a wonderful woman who came and spent an hour with me each Wednesday and we played a different game each time.  From the minute she left until the minute she came the following week, I looked forward to when she would be back again!  Kathlen said, "Visits were the best because it allowed me time to focus on something else, beside dying on my couch."
• Don't offer to help, just go and help.  Heather said "clean her bathroom floor with non-pungent solvents so it's ok to lay on."  While I was pregnant, I would never have ask someone to come and clean my bathroom floor.  But if someone had just showed up on my doorstep and said, "I'm here to clean your bathroom" I probably would have cried from gratitude.
• Educate yourself on HG!  More than likely, she doesn't know HG any better than you do (unless she's experienced before).  
• On a related note, help her when she has to fight with doctors and nurses to get care.  Be her advocate!  Be her voice!
• Text, email and call regularly!  Daily, even!  She needs to know that you're thinking of her and you care about her, even if you can't be with her.
• Help her connect with other women who have had HG - there are websites and facebook groups.  Kaiser also has a support group, if you have Kaiser insurance.  Anna said, "Support from someone who's been there...has been priceless."
• Do research for her that she doesn't have the energy to do herself - Heather said, "research on how to get the cheapest meds, which vitamins are most important if she can keep them down, the best NICU's," etc.  If there's something she has questions about, help her research the answers!
• Make her laugh!  A funny movie, silly jokes, goofy youtube videos, whatever.  Laughter is a wonderful medicine!
• We're sure you mean well and want to help, but don't suggest crackers, ginger, or Gatorade.  Those three things aren't gonna do it for us.
• If you want to bring food over, bring frozen dinners or do all the prep at your house so she doesn't have to smell it.  Kathlen said, "The best dinners are frozen. Frozen meals are great because it gave me an opportunity to decide what I thought sounded good, and I might be able to get a very small bite before I threw it up."
• Listen without judgement.  Let her cry.  Let her scream.  Just listen and love. 

If you or someone you know is suffering from HG, please check out the HER Foundation.
If you want to talk about your experiences with HG or have any questions or concerns about HG, please email me at landon {dot} wheeler {at} gmail {dot} com.  I will do my best to give you a listening, empathetic ear and/or to help you navigate your way with HG.