Socially Retarded

Sometimes I think I'm socially retarded.

Let me explain: I hate social gatherings where I'm not completely comfortable with everyone. I feel this weird need to be loud and I feel like a bumbling idiot. I often come home in a really bad mood because all I can think about are the stupid things I said or did. The worst is probably conducting Relief Society. Which I had to do today. Awesome.

Tonight I broke out of my social awkwardness a little, I think. Our neighbors J and M had me and D over for dinner along with another couple. We'd been to dinner with all of these people before and I'm sure I had left stellar impressions. I was nervous. Anxious, if you will.

But it wasn't bad! I didn't make a complete fool of myself! I didn't walk away from dinner feeling like I could never look those people in the eyes again! I think it's because all of the people there are really mellow. It rubbed off on me or something.

Which got me to thinking, what if I were a mellow, calm person. Sometimes I am. Not often, but sometimes. What if I was like that all the time!?

I quickly dismissed the thought and realized I would go insane. :)