not the "will it be good?" anxiety, but more the "are the actors enjoying this experience?" "do they like me?" "am i any good at this?" type anxiety.
i have this deep fear that i've already peaked. i've gotten as good as i'm going to get and it's all downhill from here.
it's also scary to me that i'm out in the real world doing shows professionally now. before, if i flopped, i was in school and i could use that as my excuse - i still had more to learn. now i've graduated. if i flop, there are consequences that effect more than just me and my grade.
i'm really concerned about my actors right now though. i want this to be a positive experience for them. i want them to like me, to learn from working with me, to enjoy working with each other, etc. i really want this to be a good experience. i took some serious risks for myself in casting. i want it to pay off. i am honestly intimidated by the talent of this cast. what can i bring to them? what good am i?
please God, let this be good.
AMEN.
ReplyDeleteBut Landon, I do want to say that, from being in rehearsals, I think you're doing great and I feel like everyone is having a good time.
Or maybe I'm just completely oblivious.
But.
I think we have a good cast, and I think it'll start to coming together pretty quick. And I DO think it will be good.
I think there's always a point (for me at least) in every show where things do seem a little iffy with everyone having a good experience and concern about the product being good. Anxiety is normal. It's incentive to do well. The happily ever after must be constantly worked for, right? Same sort of principle. It's not going to be perfect right from the get-go and all the way through; there's always rough spots, but they usually get smooth after a bit. I think all you can really do is keep trying, keep working hard, and trust that it will be alright.
And, if nothing else, I'm with you all the way. <3
(Well...minus that week and a half where I'm out of town)
Don't ever think you've already peaked. I have learned far more out in the wide world acquiring skills including the notion that I don' know anything. And enjoy your cast - you always seem in charge of the situation so rock on baby!
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