Forgiveness

"As impossible as it may seem to you now, in time the healing you can receive from the Savior will allow you to truly forgive the abuser and even have feelings of sorrow for him or her. When you can forgive the offense, you will be relieved of the pain and heartache that Satan wants in your life by encouraging you to hate the abuser. As a result, you will enjoy greater peace. While an important part of healing, if the thought of forgiveness causes you yet more pain, set that step aside until you have more experience with the Savior’s healing power in your own life."

Richard G. Scott, “To Heal the Shattering Consequences of Abuse,” Liahona, May 2008, 40–43

This may be terrible of me, but I don't especially enjoy Relief Society.  I went to church today not expecting anything to be any different.  For the most part, that was true.  Sacrament meeting was all about Fathers (because it's Fathers Day, duh), Primary was out of control, Relief Society was the same as always.  The lesson today was on the power of forgiveness and I honestly didn't think I would get anything out of it.  I mean, I've been making more of an effort lately in RS - I bring my manual and follow along and everything - but it hasn't made a huge difference.  But half way through the lesson, the teacher deviated from the manual and said that she felt like she needed to share a quote.  Then she read the bolded part of the quote I've put above.  I started crying (fortunately I was in the back...) and felt very much like the Lord was aware of me.

I've been wanting to be able to forgive a certain person.  Yet every time I think about forgiving said person, I am in so much pain.  I don't know how to forgive this person!  I want to.  I just am unable to yet.  And, until today, I would feel so incredibly guilty whenever I heard talks on forgiving or whatever.  I would feel so much guilt that I couldn't forgive this person and then the feelings of guilt would expand to thinking that the whole situation was my fault and I wasn't righteous or good enough, which is why it all happened in the first place.  

I love that Richard G. Scott said to wait "until you have more experience with the Savior’s healing power in your own life."  I need the Savior to help heal me and teach me how to forgive before I can forgive this individual.  And I think that is worth working towards.