Having Children

When D and I first got married I told him that, while I didn't want children right away, I wanted a large family.  We're talking at least 6 kids.

I'm the oldest of five, my dad is one of six, my mom is one of four.

I love big families!

 D was on board.  He grew up in very close proximity to his large extended family and loved the idea of having a big family himself.

After over a year of trying to get pregnant, two miscarriages, and the beginnings of fertility treatment, we became pregnant with J.  The pregnancy, labor and delivery was the most difficult thing I have ever gone through.

I cannot, personally, have any more children.

For the most part, I can honestly say that I am thrilled for all my dear friends who are expecting babies right now (all bazillion of you - seriously ladies, what's in the water?).

As I watch my friends plan for the arrival of their children, a tiny part of my heart hurts.

As I listen to my friends talk about their pregnancies, a tiny part of my heart is jealous that I'll never know a "normal" pregnancy, labor, or delivery.

As I listen to my friends plan out when they intend to have more children join their family, a tiny part of my heart envies the ease at which they can bring children into their family.

 I was reading a talk given by Neil L. Anderson titled Children and he said, 

The bearing of children can also be a heartbreaking subject for righteous couples who marry and find that they are unable to have the children they so anxiously anticipated or for a husband and wife who plan on having a large family but are blessed with a smaller family.

We cannot always explain the difficulties of our mortality. Sometimes life seems very unfair—especially when our greatest desire is to do exactly what the Lord has commanded.

 I love being a mother more than I ever could have imagined that I would.  Being J's mother is the greatest blessing and honor. 

Yet, sometimes life does seem unfair.  My righteous desire to have more children, to do what the Lord has commanded of me, will not be realized in this life.  And that can be heartbreaking at times.

I have to remind myself that being a mother of one doesn't make me any less of a mother.

Christ himself said in Mark,

“And [Jesus] took a child … in his arms [and] said …

“Whosoever shall receive one of such children in my name, receiveth me." 

 I have one of those children.  And that one child is wonderful.

While I can't have more children the good ol' fashioned way, I can be the most bomb-dot-com mother to my kiddo.  And when other children join our family via adoption, I will be their mother just as much as I am J's mother.  

I can support other mothers around me as well.  I can babysit for date nights or alone time.  I can lend a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on.  I can be a shopping companion or a decorating consultant.  I can reassure other mothers that what they are doing is the greatest work in the world.