My Experiences With D/A Meds

I was officially diagnosed with depression/anxiety in 2008.

I wasn't at all surprised.  In fact, it was almost validating to have someone officially tell me that I had a medical condition and I wasn't making the fear and sadness up.

Apparently, I'm not really very good at taking care of myself.  I tried a couple times after I was diagnosed to take care of my mental health - a couple different meds and a few different therapists, and then got distracted and gave up.

It took me several years to get the help that I so desperately needed.  I finally got serious about my mental health after moving out to California and almost completely giving in to my depression/anxiety and going crazy.  I found a great Primary Care Physician who emphasized in mental health.  She did so much to get me taken care of.  After I got the runaround from Kaiser's mental health department (we're talking months of getting no where), she decided to just take care of things herself and prescribed me Citalopram.  

I slowly built up taking Citalopram to 40mg, but the building up was rough.  The side affects kicked up butt.  Hard.  But once I got up to 40mg, I suddenly felt like the Landon I was always supposed to be.  A lot of people say that on anti-depressants they feel numb - they don't feel any lows, but they don't feel any highs either.  On 40mg of Citalopram, I felt alive!  I could feel highs, and I could feel lows but the lows were no longer desperate, disparaging, or defeating.  It was like my emotional barometer was reset to normal. 

I've been taking Citalopram for 3 years.  I have never regretted it.

We switched insurance companies back in September.

We were insured with my employer, but when I didn't return to work we switched to D's employer's insurance.  I failed to refill my prescription before we switched and then failed to make an appointment with a new PCP.  I ran out of pills in December, but I couldn't call in a refill the "soonest available appointment" wasn't until the end of January.

The withdrawal symptoms were kicking my butt.  Restless leg almost as bad as while I was pregnant.  Itching.  Insomnia.  Irritability.  Not to mention the depression and anxiety that quickly clouded my brain and inhibited my functioning.  And despite my attempts to self-medicate with Coca-Cola and Peanut Butter M&M's, each day got a little darker.

But now, there is light again!  After several phone calls to my doctor's office, I was able to get an appointment with a nurse practitioner!  The appointment was all of 10 minutes long, but I walked out with my prescription in hand! 

I've now been taking Citalopram for two days and I feel my life force returning (ok, a little over-exaggerated, but only a little).  My brain feels more clear, my thoughts are more rational, I'm not such a pain-in-the-tush.  I actually feel a desire to do more than sit on my bum.  (Example, I did my hair and make-up and got dressed yesterday!)

Depression/Anxiety sucks.
But it doesn't have to define you.
It doesn't have to be the only thing in your life.

I realize medication isn't everyone's cup of tea.

But it has changed,

no, saved

my life.

I feel free!